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Saturday, October 29, 2011

Trick or Treat


Life gets in the way of writing, don't you know. Before I go trick or treating, I would like to address this problem.

Hint: Get fanciful before you read further. Off-the-wall. Or just plain weird. It will help you understand my proposals.

Ready?

Like most writers, I have another job as a computer consultant. To put it poetically, feeding the body may not be my highest priority, but it comes before feeding the soul. Like the Bee Gees, I have to stay alive and writing doesn't pay enough except for the lucky few. Can we fix this?

Proposal 1: My humble suggestion is to elect to political office people who promise to allot writers a decent income. Something like welfare, but call it artfare. Support the arts. Set up a new agency -- maybe The Literary Safety Net (TLSN) Then, writers (me, me, me!) can stay home and write fulltime. If we can do that, there goes the biggest hindrance to a writing career.

Okay, the TLSN is up and running (better than Social Security, I hope.) Here I am, the stay-at-home writer with a monthly check coming from Washington. Bills paid, food in the tummy, ideas pulling at the roots of my hair from the inside. Whoo hooo, keyboard, get smoking. Nah, take a break, computer. The kid is bleeding on the hardwood floor.

That is the writer's second biggest problem. Families fail to respect writing time. They throw hot dogs (a more satisfying projectile than peas), argue whether to watch NCIS or Project Runway, nag about dirty laundry. Mom, MOM! I need you to take me to Staples. NOW! Bill says there is only one scientific calculator in the store and if I don't have it tomorrow, I'll flunk. FLUNK! Who can write with a kid screaming in their ear?

Proposal 2: Bulletproof, soundproof enclosures for the writing space. Stock them at Lowe's and Home Depot. Make them cheap -- a government check only goes so far. Equip them with retinal scanners keyed to the writer's eye so no one else can get in. Add in temperature controls and air circulation stuff and handy dandy Plexiglas shelves for supplies. Make them modular and offer glass etching so I can get mine with a tinted picture of Captain Jack Sparrow.

That is so much better. Now I can ignore the world and write.

"Aarrgghhhhh," as Jack Sparrow would say. I forgot to mention errands, cooking, cleaning, illness, doctor's visits, vet visits, going out to eat (some interruptions are fun), irritation, worries, fears. Etcetera. All the annoyances that make concentrating on writing difficult.

Proposal 3: Delegate. Don't bother with a spouse or significant other. They spout questions and complaints. Pass on all interruptions to a qualified underling. Hire a

cook,
…......chauffeur,
………....…......…..nanny,
……......……......…..……..babysitter,
………..........……….............……………pet sitter,
………………….…..............……..............….……….maid,
personal assistant,
……..………..........…..executive secretary,
………..............………………..........……………..surgeon,
handyman,
………..….....FBI agent,
…………..….....…....….…..U.N. Peace Keeper,

or get a techie to program a robot to do all those chores. Do not base yours on the Hal model, as Hals lack mobility and are outdated as of 2001. If you choose a Terminator, you will get what you deserve for such a cork-brained decision. Rosie, being retro, is acceptable. (Remember the Jetsons' Rosie? She was great.)

If my proposals fail, I will continue to write. I love to write, reviewers like what I write, and people enjoy reading what I write. If I am not as famous as Ernest Hemingway, well, Hemingway didn't become the world's beloved Papa in a day.

~~~

Ann Tracy Marr writes fantasy Regency romances. To His Mistress, the third book in her Banshee Brigade series, debut in paperback as soon as techical difficulties with the cover are resolved. Keeper of the Grail is in the works. A computer consultant in the Midwest, Marr lives with her husband, two cats, and plots that bounce off the wall.

Visit her at www.anntracymarr.com
Buy her books at http://www.awe-struck.net/authors/ann_tracy_marr.html

Round Table Magician Ebook ISBN: 978-1-587496066
Thwarting Magic Ebook ISBN: 978-1-587496479
To His Mistress Ebook ISBN: 978-1-587497209
Keeper of the Grail Awaiting release

3 comments:

Na said...

Family can be a huge distraction, not just in writing but in everything. Good luck and happy writing.

Sherry Gloag said...

Sounds like you need to get your family t-r-a-i-n-e-d :-)
No easy task, mine just ignores all the rules. @After all' they say,'rules are there for breaking!'
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Unknown said...

All rules are for breaking!

Enjoy,

Ann Tracy Marr
Romance with a splash of magic
www.AnnTracyMarr.com